First thought: You need a WHAT???
Second thought: I have stopped breathing–not good. I need oxygen if I am going to interrogate him to within an inch of his life…
Third thought: (Reality flickers in like headlights in the distance.) He is doing homework. In England. Oh please tell me my eleven-year-old is not in need of a prophylactic. Of course not….homework…in England…he just needs an eraser!
Good thing we didn’t move here a few years later, he would have been grounded for life–homework or no homework.
Fourth thought: I should put this adrenalin rush to good use and scrub the limescale off the shower door.